Finding Myself - A Personal Reflection
When I look in the mirror, I don’t even recognize who I am anymore.
Where is the Ariel who was so independent, driven, hard set on achieving her goals, on fire for the Great Commission, with a willpower unlike any other, bursting with energy? The Ariel who didn’t care what people thought of her, and only sought God’s approval?
I lost her. I let her go a long time ago.
I replaced her with someone I don’t even recognize. Someone who was always trying to please another, seeking approval from someone other than God, setting her hopes on worldly things. Someone who did precisely what she had promised herself she’d never do—put someone other than God first in her life.
It’s a hard truth that I face now. Sometimes it takes a soul-shattering rejection from someone you trust (in my case, two) to wake up from the lie you’re living. The theme of my life now is REDIRECTION. I feel God pulling me back towards Him, and setting me back on the path that he has for me.
It’s time for me to find myself again, or not even that—to become the person God has always intended for me to become.
There are times in life when you find yourself at a crossroads with a choice to make. No matter what people tell you, you DO have a choice in the matter. You don’t HAVE TO wallow in sadness when bad things happen to you that are out of your control. Particularly when going through a heartbreak, you can choose one of two options. You can either: give into utter depression and hopelessness, crying out for rescue while refusing to climb out of the pit you dug yourself into, OR you can gather all of your strength and willpower and climb out of the pit with your two bare hands and live the best life you could possibly live.
I personally want to opt for the second option. It’s a much better way to live.
Don’t let the people who knock you down by their own choosing control the outcome of your life. When you are disappointed by the ones you love, don’t give them the power or satisfaction of destroying you. As much as it hurts, you are the sole person responsible for steering your life (within God’s sovereign plan). You, not your significant other, not your parents, not your best friend, are the ONLY ONE responsible for your happiness and fulfillment in life.
Life is short and time is limited. We simply don’t have the luxury of idly sitting by, feeling sorry for ourselves. We have it in us to stand up when we’re knocked down, press on despite the pain, and put our minds and bodies to work.
So to solidify the promise to myself: I, Ariel, hereby promise myself to live life to the fullest capacity, to overcome obstacles with a growth mindset, to use my gifts to their maximum potential for the maximum good of others, to lose my life in order to save it, to be last in order to be first.